It's a Wednesday n class 4 da nex day was cancelled.. But I din care. nth was my concern... I oni new I walked aimlessly most of da time, drove blindly n nearly crashed 2...
Damnit, 2day was a really sucky day. Damn it was like hell. I din feel like talkin 2 any1 at all. Din feel like eatin most of da time. SUX. But I wont tell u wat happened...
Head painin!!!
Die la... HIS bro's weddin dinner is comin. It's dis sat. I mean yea obviously I'm lookin forward 2 it.
But I dono y, the closer the dinner, the more pain I felt. It was throbbin. I noe I was sufferin. I can't even hold back much in front of my frenz. Even the effort of puttin a smile on my face was hard. I din want my any1 2 c my pain. I din 1 any1 2 worry. I'm so sorry but I really couldn forget him. N all the memories he has given me was diggin deeper n deeper in2 the wound in my heart.
The weddin... I plan 2 go as a fren. I bought the dress n all especially 4 it. It was special 4 me. I felt like that family was already another family of mine. It was hard 4 me 2 let go, not oni the guy, but all other family members of his. I am happy.. yet sad in a way. I was happy that they can get married happily^^ but sad cz I was goin 2 a dinner with some1 I wasn't ready 2 face.
Even now, another 5 days 2 the dinner, my heart was already heavier than ever. I'm not sayin this jz 2 make it feel like some poetic ppl but I can totally feel it, I noe now wat it meant by the pain in heart after loosin some1 u love with all yr heart. It was pain. pain that I can't endure. T.T
It cant be seen, cant be help. cant be saved either.
But I dono y, the closer the dinner, the more pain I felt. It was throbbin. I noe I was sufferin. I can't even hold back much in front of my frenz. Even the effort of puttin a smile on my face was hard. I din want my any1 2 c my pain. I din 1 any1 2 worry. I'm so sorry but I really couldn forget him. N all the memories he has given me was diggin deeper n deeper in2 the wound in my heart.
The weddin... I plan 2 go as a fren. I bought the dress n all especially 4 it. It was special 4 me. I felt like that family was already another family of mine. It was hard 4 me 2 let go, not oni the guy, but all other family members of his. I am happy.. yet sad in a way. I was happy that they can get married happily^^ but sad cz I was goin 2 a dinner with some1 I wasn't ready 2 face.
Even now, another 5 days 2 the dinner, my heart was already heavier than ever. I'm not sayin this jz 2 make it feel like some poetic ppl but I can totally feel it, I noe now wat it meant by the pain in heart after loosin some1 u love with all yr heart. It was pain. pain that I can't endure. T.T
It cant be seen, cant be help. cant be saved either.
The Other Way Around
If yr frenz of mine, U should noe that recently in da past an incident had caused a scar in my heart. N cause of that...
When guy frens talk bout sex, reationships, women, n life.
Past >>> Talk along, reaply weird questions asked (cz I'm a gal), find males in this world can be damn funny when it comes 2 questionin bout those topics.
Present >>> Feels like walkin away, dodge the questions as much as possible.
When gal frenz talk bout guys.
Past >>> Cheerfully talk along.
Present >>> Dont invite me, I do not want 2 be reminded bout how worst guys can be.
When guy frenz flirt 4 fun with me.
Past >>> Tag along as if there weren't a care in the world. Jz make sure don go over board.
Present >>> Can u find some1 else? I'm not in the mood. Yr way of flirtin will jz make me sick.
When gal frenz tlak bout their crushes or lovers.
Past >>> Join in n want 2 noe more bout their stories^^
Present >>> U noe wat? Can U jz STFU! I don want 2 start hatin u.
When I see cuties anywhere at all^^
Past >>> I hav the intention of gettin close or noewin them more. Sometimes I even flirt. Cant believe it.
Present >>> 1st thing that I can think of? Cuties? Nice face, but sick heart.
When I see couples outside.
Past >>> Reminds me of the happy moment n how sweet he can be. *smiles
Present >>> Reminds me of the forbidden memories I wished 2 forget n I jz felt like tearin the couple a part. * walks away
When close frenz talk bout him n him oni as a topic.
Past >>> Tell them all bout it, both happy n sad moments.
Present >>> Can u leave me alone? U oni can talk bout him when I start talkin bout him.
When I'm alone in the corner.
Past >>> If u come, U start talkin, I start pourin out.
Present >>> Best leave me alone. But still if u come, don say I din warn u, might swear till yr pants drop. So it's best U don even look. jz care 4 me from a distance.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............................................
When guy frens talk bout sex, reationships, women, n life.
Past >>> Talk along, reaply weird questions asked (cz I'm a gal), find males in this world can be damn funny when it comes 2 questionin bout those topics.
Present >>> Feels like walkin away, dodge the questions as much as possible.
When gal frenz talk bout guys.
Past >>> Cheerfully talk along.
Present >>> Dont invite me, I do not want 2 be reminded bout how worst guys can be.
When guy frenz flirt 4 fun with me.
Past >>> Tag along as if there weren't a care in the world. Jz make sure don go over board.
Present >>> Can u find some1 else? I'm not in the mood. Yr way of flirtin will jz make me sick.
When gal frenz tlak bout their crushes or lovers.
Past >>> Join in n want 2 noe more bout their stories^^
Present >>> U noe wat? Can U jz STFU! I don want 2 start hatin u.
When I see cuties anywhere at all^^
Past >>> I hav the intention of gettin close or noewin them more. Sometimes I even flirt. Cant believe it.
Present >>> 1st thing that I can think of? Cuties? Nice face, but sick heart.
When I see couples outside.
Past >>> Reminds me of the happy moment n how sweet he can be. *smiles
Present >>> Reminds me of the forbidden memories I wished 2 forget n I jz felt like tearin the couple a part. * walks away
When close frenz talk bout him n him oni as a topic.
Past >>> Tell them all bout it, both happy n sad moments.
Present >>> Can u leave me alone? U oni can talk bout him when I start talkin bout him.
When I'm alone in the corner.
Past >>> If u come, U start talkin, I start pourin out.
Present >>> Best leave me alone. But still if u come, don say I din warn u, might swear till yr pants drop. So it's best U don even look. jz care 4 me from a distance.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............................................
The Break Up...
It was already 3 long weeks since my break up with my 1 1/2 year boyfren. Well, still sober in heart now, dono wat 2 say. Mayb a lil advice from frenz might help^^
I've been smilin n laughin out loud all day but when it comes 2 nite time, tears come rolllin with no endin 2 it at all. It was like wheneva I was about 2 go 2 bed his face will jz POP!!! in my head. After days n days I must admit his face is startin 2 blur off till I cant really remember how he looks like. Untill...
It was last nite when I had a really weird dream. I dreamt of him again. but this time, it seemed so real. So real till I can remember every detail in it. I was in my room, still with my old bed. He was sittin ryte beside me on da bed. Weird thing is, there was a violin at the corner of my room, unopened in its bag n untouched.
1st I asked him y was there a violin, he replied by sayin he was gonna play it. So i was happy n asked him 2 teach me sometime. The thought of the breakin up n the question of y he came back popped up in my head. I was reluctant 2 ask but drew back my words. I din 1 2 loose him again. sob... sob... Nway, that time he was lookin at me with those soft eyes of his, N I was starin back. The admosphere turned a lil.... Quiet. Then, I jz touched his face with my hand. The touch seemed so real, his face... soft, warm... he was still starin at me... I can feel my mouth slippin, goin 2 say wat I had in mind. He held my hand, which made me kept my words again. I merely said I missed him. He nodded, n said I noe. I was goin 2 burst in tears when I... WOKE UP!! DAMNIT... but then, in da dream, everythn seemed so real, till it was like I was really there, Being able 2 c his face clearly n this time I remembered it well 2^^
This dream, n him in it, had given me inspiration n also believe... Believen that this may happen or mayb Some miracles can happen. Even if they don happen, at least I hav had a chance 2 c him clearly after so long... heh hhe... I was about 2 slowly 4get bout him, but now da dream made me pull back n remember him again.
HOW AM I GONNA LET GO LIKE DAT>.<
I've been smilin n laughin out loud all day but when it comes 2 nite time, tears come rolllin with no endin 2 it at all. It was like wheneva I was about 2 go 2 bed his face will jz POP!!! in my head. After days n days I must admit his face is startin 2 blur off till I cant really remember how he looks like. Untill...
It was last nite when I had a really weird dream. I dreamt of him again. but this time, it seemed so real. So real till I can remember every detail in it. I was in my room, still with my old bed. He was sittin ryte beside me on da bed. Weird thing is, there was a violin at the corner of my room, unopened in its bag n untouched.
1st I asked him y was there a violin, he replied by sayin he was gonna play it. So i was happy n asked him 2 teach me sometime. The thought of the breakin up n the question of y he came back popped up in my head. I was reluctant 2 ask but drew back my words. I din 1 2 loose him again. sob... sob... Nway, that time he was lookin at me with those soft eyes of his, N I was starin back. The admosphere turned a lil.... Quiet. Then, I jz touched his face with my hand. The touch seemed so real, his face... soft, warm... he was still starin at me... I can feel my mouth slippin, goin 2 say wat I had in mind. He held my hand, which made me kept my words again. I merely said I missed him. He nodded, n said I noe. I was goin 2 burst in tears when I... WOKE UP!! DAMNIT... but then, in da dream, everythn seemed so real, till it was like I was really there, Being able 2 c his face clearly n this time I remembered it well 2^^
This dream, n him in it, had given me inspiration n also believe... Believen that this may happen or mayb Some miracles can happen. Even if they don happen, at least I hav had a chance 2 c him clearly after so long... heh hhe... I was about 2 slowly 4get bout him, but now da dream made me pull back n remember him again.
HOW AM I GONNA LET GO LIKE DAT>.<
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