Oh the sensation! Just came back from CocoBanana. Apparently Kuhen, Chee Yeong and Gavin (I don really know his name) changed their mind about entering MOS as it was I can say too quiet. So as our 1st time entering this particular club, we found that it was not bad at all.
For me, it was never about the crowd, it was never about the guys, it was never about the drinking. It has been more than months since i stepped into a club. Booming music, the dancing crowd, it was fun to watch.
As I stepped into CocoBanana, my 1st impression,the sensation, my passion came back. All I could think was dance, dance and dance. I never liked partnering and grinding with a guy nor a girl. It was bothering, restricting my movements. I always enjoyed dancing solo in clubs. For months, I have finally found out that clubbing actually meant so much to me. Not the guys, but the dance itself.
It was the 1st time I felt I was free! in a whole year. Alvin was busy sleeping at home. I came with only a few buddies. I really felt I could enjoy all the way to where my limits could bring me. The time the club closed, my legs were already giving way. That was how much I danced. I din stop, I just kept on moving even if i was having problems breathing. No matter what, this was my chance to feel free to enjoy myself, to bond with my love, my passion.
Now that I had trouble gettin the smoke scent off my hair, I was pratically still crying with joy inside. The sensation was still there. My legs hurt, but I can tell, they still wanted to dance, to move. Wasting bout more than 20 mins on my hair, I finally felt that the scent was at least dulled to the minimum so I came out from bathing and blogged. I could still feel the happiness.
Alvin, this was my passion long before I knew u and it still is. I really hope that u can understand, and set me free at times. For now I know, what it really feels like to be free from u for that particular few hours.
I'm Not Your Thing
Term's starting in a few days. And tomorrow's also Alvin's big day, his shifting with his family to another new home. Apparently,somebody doesn't want my face to appear, him.
To him,
U knew from the very start that i hated it most when u go against me but this time, it was ok because I have found my own entertainment- Clubbing with some close frenz. I volunteered to help, but u threw me aside. Wat is this? An excuse?! Wow, U din want me to see it, but yet u always tell me complaints of when it happens. Like I won't know how it is like to see it.
I get angry, I get fed up, U still ignore me. When my anger was dulled I was ok. I could talk like normal to u. I told u I was headin for a club tonight.
10pm on the day before yr Shifting, a message of yours came, struck me hard on my anger nerve. "I want u to come help out" What am I? Your dog? Set me aside when I'm not needed and retrieve me back when u need me? Change your mine when u knew I'm already at my limit of my anger, or when U know that I have found something else to do that u disliked. But I liked it!! Just cuz U disliked it and couldn go with me, doesn't mean I have to restrain myself from all this fun.
Nor could u restrain me from havin fun when u yrself have something to do. U toss me aside to do your thing, so I find my entertainment and U have no right at all to tell me that I can't have my own fun. So pls be more considerate.
I don care how yr parents think of me but I'm still gonna be me when I face them, I won't hold back and be Ms. Nice girl. N Don think that with the excuse that your mom wants me to help, is gonna BEG me back to your side.
PS : TREAT ME LIKE HUMAN DAMNIT!
To him,
U knew from the very start that i hated it most when u go against me but this time, it was ok because I have found my own entertainment- Clubbing with some close frenz. I volunteered to help, but u threw me aside. Wat is this? An excuse?! Wow, U din want me to see it, but yet u always tell me complaints of when it happens. Like I won't know how it is like to see it.
I get angry, I get fed up, U still ignore me. When my anger was dulled I was ok. I could talk like normal to u. I told u I was headin for a club tonight.
10pm on the day before yr Shifting, a message of yours came, struck me hard on my anger nerve. "I want u to come help out" What am I? Your dog? Set me aside when I'm not needed and retrieve me back when u need me? Change your mine when u knew I'm already at my limit of my anger, or when U know that I have found something else to do that u disliked. But I liked it!! Just cuz U disliked it and couldn go with me, doesn't mean I have to restrain myself from all this fun.
Nor could u restrain me from havin fun when u yrself have something to do. U toss me aside to do your thing, so I find my entertainment and U have no right at all to tell me that I can't have my own fun. So pls be more considerate.
I don care how yr parents think of me but I'm still gonna be me when I face them, I won't hold back and be Ms. Nice girl. N Don think that with the excuse that your mom wants me to help, is gonna BEG me back to your side.
PS : TREAT ME LIKE HUMAN DAMNIT!
Thx Dad!!!
After arguing for almost 2 years for a car, dad finally came back 2day and asked me a simple question, "Simone, tell me what color u want yr car to be?" O.o I was stunned for awhile. White popped in my mind, I want a white one. Then he was like passing me a paper n he told me that he might get a savvy for me. I didn't mind. I just needed a car.
It was hard for not only arguing bout gettin a car everytime, but also arguing bout transport problem and bout sharing his car=.=.
So yea, Alvin was standing in the corner, giving me the most joyful smile. N I was there just holding the car brochure in my hand, facing my dad, not knowing how to respond. My mouth was practically just an O shape... >< I was speechless.
So my brother, standing right beside my dad, pointed at me n started shouting, "Look at her face! She's practically smiling non stop." Heh heh. Till now, I still dono wat to say.
Just hope he doesn't change his mind. Anyway, my dad's a man who keeps his words^^
It was hard for not only arguing bout gettin a car everytime, but also arguing bout transport problem and bout sharing his car=.=.
So yea, Alvin was standing in the corner, giving me the most joyful smile. N I was there just holding the car brochure in my hand, facing my dad, not knowing how to respond. My mouth was practically just an O shape... >< I was speechless.
So my brother, standing right beside my dad, pointed at me n started shouting, "Look at her face! She's practically smiling non stop." Heh heh. Till now, I still dono wat to say.
Just hope he doesn't change his mind. Anyway, my dad's a man who keeps his words^^
New partners^^
On Monday,I met Anis, a new partner of ours. On Wednesday, which is today, I met Nagisa, another new partner. Wow!
When I first met with Anis, she was a real open girl. Friendly enough to make friends with me fast. She was as short as Ainee *cute>.<* Now the partners hav 2 fellas to tease=.= Hope they don mind. Sorry Ainee XP.
For Nagisa? She hesitated at first wether to intro herself to me. Then she did. When her name was mentioned, I can't help thinkin it was familiar. Then it came to me that it was an innocent kind hearted girl's name from a very touching anime i saw, Clanad. Anyway, Nagisa (the real person) was shy at first. But then we kept on talkin non stop. She wasn sure wat to do tho, as if she's scared she would have done anythn wrong that offends any of us. Cz she kept askin me, "Simone, can I clear up after u?", "Are u ok with me doin this?" It's a bit scary, but then, I can understand also. I also had my 1st times with ppl. Anyway, she noes Japanese, and she likes animation and Disney's. Plus She's also an art student *Hurray for me^^*
Anyway, I'm really lookin forward to knowing them more^^ Cz they seem interesting.
Plus, Store's planning an outing^^ Like FINALLY!!! Now we're all debating where to go only. Tho in my mind i'm more thinking bout the classes clashing part since the trip will be held after term starts. >< 3 days 2 nights leh;. Hahaha..... *can't stop laughing*
When I first met with Anis, she was a real open girl. Friendly enough to make friends with me fast. She was as short as Ainee *cute>.<* Now the partners hav 2 fellas to tease=.= Hope they don mind. Sorry Ainee XP.
For Nagisa? She hesitated at first wether to intro herself to me. Then she did. When her name was mentioned, I can't help thinkin it was familiar. Then it came to me that it was an innocent kind hearted girl's name from a very touching anime i saw, Clanad. Anyway, Nagisa (the real person) was shy at first. But then we kept on talkin non stop. She wasn sure wat to do tho, as if she's scared she would have done anythn wrong that offends any of us. Cz she kept askin me, "Simone, can I clear up after u?", "Are u ok with me doin this?" It's a bit scary, but then, I can understand also. I also had my 1st times with ppl. Anyway, she noes Japanese, and she likes animation and Disney's. Plus She's also an art student *Hurray for me^^*
Anyway, I'm really lookin forward to knowing them more^^ Cz they seem interesting.
Plus, Store's planning an outing^^ Like FINALLY!!! Now we're all debating where to go only. Tho in my mind i'm more thinking bout the classes clashing part since the trip will be held after term starts. >< 3 days 2 nights leh;. Hahaha..... *can't stop laughing*
Bee's Post
Specially for u, my bee bee.
The Ambassador Cup was just a competition, like wat my dad said, "If u wanna do something, just be damn good at it." Yes, it was the advice I would give as U prepare for yr competition.
Now, it has passed, If u had won, I would give u a tight hug and say "Congrats and well done, love"
But if u din get what u wanted, I will still give u a warm hug and say " U have given your all, thts what mattered most."
Getting into the top 5 in whole Malaysia? It was already a pride for me, n I think u too, should cherish it. I'm proud of u bee^^ So don be sad. There's still next year.
Anyway, Maya is really screwin me up. I like her, but she keeps making me feel irritated. Really is a bitch huh=.= What to do, I have to face her, Haiz. Cz i oni like to use her when it comes to certain things.
Another thing, congrats on getting another compliment from one of the Sbux customers^^ Said u really helped him. Heh.
The Ambassador Cup was just a competition, like wat my dad said, "If u wanna do something, just be damn good at it." Yes, it was the advice I would give as U prepare for yr competition.
Now, it has passed, If u had won, I would give u a tight hug and say "Congrats and well done, love"
But if u din get what u wanted, I will still give u a warm hug and say " U have given your all, thts what mattered most."
Getting into the top 5 in whole Malaysia? It was already a pride for me, n I think u too, should cherish it. I'm proud of u bee^^ So don be sad. There's still next year.
Anyway, Maya is really screwin me up. I like her, but she keeps making me feel irritated. Really is a bitch huh=.= What to do, I have to face her, Haiz. Cz i oni like to use her when it comes to certain things.
Another thing, congrats on getting another compliment from one of the Sbux customers^^ Said u really helped him. Heh.
Tom n Jerry
Ever since the mouse couple moved in to my place, I din place it anywhere else but my working table, right beside my computer. In a way I could keep an eye on them, getting to know more bout their cute n funny behaviors.
Anyway, the other member of MY family, my cat=.=|| came to visit my room more often as well. Not to snack on them or do somethn threatening, for I've seen how he makes friends n looks out for my bunny. So I trust he wouldn't do anything to hurt them. He would just sit at the cage door n stare. So i opened the cage so to let him take a closer look.
He's 1st few minutes of staring
Anyway, the other member of MY family, my cat=.=|| came to visit my room more often as well. Not to snack on them or do somethn threatening, for I've seen how he makes friends n looks out for my bunny. So I trust he wouldn't do anything to hurt them. He would just sit at the cage door n stare. So i opened the cage so to let him take a closer look.
He's 1st few minutes of staring
Noticing his body can't REALLY go thru , he popped his head in to investigate.
He even nearly came to a Nose-to-nose kiss with GeGe^^
He's nex step when I din notice =.=||
Tikus jadik TOY.
Poor GeGe T-T , she was the only 1 running berserk in the cage while Chietoo just stayed cool in the bathhouse in the right corner where the cat's paw couldn't reach.
The cat showed his dumb side by trying to put his paw thru the plastic cage walls from the outside (he scratched the blue part) =.=||
Alvin!! Faster come back n take care of them. Don leave me taking care of them alone. Oh I just cleaned their home for u^^
Oh, and Viknesh brought his 1st home baked cookies to me^^ Love em' Want more want more. I like sweet stuff. Ganbateh! Vik! I support u 9 9. (as long as u bring me more cookies n food)
He even nearly came to a Nose-to-nose kiss with GeGe^^
He's nex step when I din notice =.=||Tikus jadik TOY.
Poor GeGe T-T , she was the only 1 running berserk in the cage while Chietoo just stayed cool in the bathhouse in the right corner where the cat's paw couldn't reach.
The cat showed his dumb side by trying to put his paw thru the plastic cage walls from the outside (he scratched the blue part) =.=||
Alvin!! Faster come back n take care of them. Don leave me taking care of them alone. Oh I just cleaned their home for u^^
Oh, and Viknesh brought his 1st home baked cookies to me^^ Love em' Want more want more. I like sweet stuff. Ganbateh! Vik! I support u 9 9. (as long as u bring me more cookies n food)
New members...
Recently Alvin had been bringing me to a lot of pet shops and in the end he bought two lil cuties to add to our 2 person world. Tho 1 of them, Archie, died after a week or so, not knowing what was the cause, he passed away right after paying a visit to the vet. Leaving Ge Ge alone, we decided to get another partner for her. Altho much tinier, Chietoo seemed to get along with Ge Ge a lot better than before. It was a perfect match.
GeGe just coming out of her hiding spot (bath house)Name: GeGe
Character: Scared of humans, dashes so fast u cant catch her=.=
Fav spot: In the tube from humans (but we sealed it off now XD)
Hobby: Showing off by running the wheel when we look at her
Character: Scared of humans, dashes so fast u cant catch her=.=
Fav spot: In the tube from humans (but we sealed it off now XD)
Hobby: Showing off by running the wheel when we look at her
Chietoo falling asleep in his new toy XDHalf his leg is dangling out on the other end
Name: Chietoo
Character: No problem with human contact, loves the snacks we give, bonds well with GeGe
Fav spot: Under the wheel or in the bath house.
Hobby: Falling asleep everywhere n everytime=.=
Character: No problem with human contact, loves the snacks we give, bonds well with GeGe
Fav spot: Under the wheel or in the bath house.
Hobby: Falling asleep everywhere n everytime=.=
Currently they are either staying at Beta under Alvin's care but sometimes they come over to stay a few nights with me^^ Anyway, Archie, may u R.I.P. Love u.
PS : Thx bee~ for getting me them^^
PS : Thx bee~ for getting me them^^
Wrong Start
Perhaps we got of on the wrong start. I don need to point this to that particular person. I noe u need an apology and fast. But advices from people have stopped me from doing so. Note that everything written here has no sarcasism whatsoever.
1st off, I was wrong for being too close to him. I WAS single, and in a way, sometimes become desperate. I should have known my boundaries but somehow sometimes I'm blinded by temptation. When I knew it, I stayed away from him, but it was too late. Ended up, he spilled to u, but it was a good thing. It may break a heart, but at least he was honest. Anyway, for THAT i owe u an apology and I gladly give u one.
2nd, my explanation for being uber late. Due to advices from the gang, I hadn't apologized since the day I knew it was wrong. People ask me to lay low, hoping for things to cool between us. But it seems things got out of hand once more when we met again. So as I got to know yr personality by thinkin back of how u acted when u were with us, i figured, a girl would want an apology to cool things down, or else it wont.
3rd, I would appreciate it very much if u actually came to me to resolve the matter instead of using such ways to show your anger towards me. Sorry but I didn't know what u wrote and I don desire to. I only got to noe briefly what happened after being told my a few frenz from the gang. So yea, just be cool and face the problem nex time, if it was me, I wouldn't blame u cz I know wats right and wats wrong also.
4th, U might not wanna read on but i'm still writing this for my own sake. And also for u to noe...
that I might deserve u mocking me, but my bf doesn. What i heard from a fren was that my bf's name was in the post u wrote as well. That was not pleasant at all. I dont mind u saying such things bout me, but if u ever did write somethn bout him (as I did not read yr blog) Pls take it back. If u refuse, I cant do anythn either. So it's up to u.
5th, I can understand how u feel also when things started to go shitty, for I was the victim most of the time when i was in sec skul. No they did not two time me, but it was still the same. I dump them n the nex girl came in after 5 minutes.
Lastly, no hard feelings. I nvr got mad at u for the blog but only felt surprised. So now i have cleared my debt with u with my apology and hope he doesn screw me up for doin so since he asked me not to talk to u at all. I can only hope things are cleared up between us, for I noe an apology means much.
PS: Hope u 2 love birds be happy all the way now. I'll be with mine also.
1st off, I was wrong for being too close to him. I WAS single, and in a way, sometimes become desperate. I should have known my boundaries but somehow sometimes I'm blinded by temptation. When I knew it, I stayed away from him, but it was too late. Ended up, he spilled to u, but it was a good thing. It may break a heart, but at least he was honest. Anyway, for THAT i owe u an apology and I gladly give u one.
2nd, my explanation for being uber late. Due to advices from the gang, I hadn't apologized since the day I knew it was wrong. People ask me to lay low, hoping for things to cool between us. But it seems things got out of hand once more when we met again. So as I got to know yr personality by thinkin back of how u acted when u were with us, i figured, a girl would want an apology to cool things down, or else it wont.
3rd, I would appreciate it very much if u actually came to me to resolve the matter instead of using such ways to show your anger towards me. Sorry but I didn't know what u wrote and I don desire to. I only got to noe briefly what happened after being told my a few frenz from the gang. So yea, just be cool and face the problem nex time, if it was me, I wouldn't blame u cz I know wats right and wats wrong also.
4th, U might not wanna read on but i'm still writing this for my own sake. And also for u to noe...
that I might deserve u mocking me, but my bf doesn. What i heard from a fren was that my bf's name was in the post u wrote as well. That was not pleasant at all. I dont mind u saying such things bout me, but if u ever did write somethn bout him (as I did not read yr blog) Pls take it back. If u refuse, I cant do anythn either. So it's up to u.
5th, I can understand how u feel also when things started to go shitty, for I was the victim most of the time when i was in sec skul. No they did not two time me, but it was still the same. I dump them n the nex girl came in after 5 minutes.
Lastly, no hard feelings. I nvr got mad at u for the blog but only felt surprised. So now i have cleared my debt with u with my apology and hope he doesn screw me up for doin so since he asked me not to talk to u at all. I can only hope things are cleared up between us, for I noe an apology means much.
PS: Hope u 2 love birds be happy all the way now. I'll be with mine also.
Emo... Ness
It’s hard to admit but today was the most emo day I have ever had.
Nobody could understand this cuz I cant tell what happened.
I cant tell u anything except that it was terribly dreadful & that it was related to my parents..
1st, it made me stay in bed for the rest of the day, thinking if I should give a certain someone a call for a certain confession n comfort session.
I needed a listener. Desperately.
Aside from my guy, Suicide was the other.
I smsed him, he din respond. I smsed again, he replied late.
I felt worse; it was obvious that was not the listener I acquired.
Next, I started typing the sms to my ex but halfway I hesitated n deleted the sms.
Still lying on my bed, without my fan or aircon on.
In my head, I was just thinking, whether if I should vanish from this world.
I stayed in that position for hours, not moving a single muscle.
Later in the evening, I hear the front door shut.
Obvious that my parents left for something, I stepped down my bed, not knowing what to do.
My head was blank.
Next I hear my cell ringing. I picked it up. It was my guy.
I burst into tears. 1st telling him what really happened & next bout him and the urgency.
It was hours after the last sms he sent me only he called.
I was near suicide and all he could say on his sms was “if I leave the house now, it would make matters worse”
I can never forget those words.
That was the worst time I cried since secondary school.
I was tossing things in my room, n screaming on the phone with tears rolling down non-stop.
But I guess it all shouldn’t matter, since what has happened HAS happened.
It just shows how much I am to him.
We had to hang up soon after since he said he needed to rush for work.
I was devastated. I din know what to do again.
I was more of in a daze this time than angry or upset.
I decided later, to cut off everything from anyone that day.
I did. I turned off my cell on purpose for the whole evening & night for the 1st time in my life.
I had my room door closed. My table cleared and my computer shifted in from the hall.
I still felt dreadful.
All my guys were the same; they were shitty when it comes to girlfriends.
They couldn’t give me the comfort and security I wanted.
They get tired easily & give up.
They tell u they will always be there for u but when shit happens, they are not there to even hear your words out.
They JUST have no sense of urgency.
Later in the evening, I was expected for a dinner with family & their assistant coaches.
They were people I had fun growing up with & were also people that I had long missed.
So, I enjoyed myself at the dinner, listening to these jokers make lame jokes & also tell stories or their lives.
I was worth opening up for that dinner.
But later when I reached home, I was quiet & alone again.
I stayed in my room & faced my computer, not going online to chat with anyone.
My cell was still off.
I dared not turn it on, scared that he’d call at the same time & also fearing that I would go all soft hearted on the smses and miss calls I get.
I din want to.
Many times I reached to take my cell but later the thought stopped me.
So, I left it off for the rest of the night.
Nobody could understand this cuz I cant tell what happened.
I cant tell u anything except that it was terribly dreadful & that it was related to my parents..
1st, it made me stay in bed for the rest of the day, thinking if I should give a certain someone a call for a certain confession n comfort session.
I needed a listener. Desperately.
Aside from my guy, Suicide was the other.
I smsed him, he din respond. I smsed again, he replied late.
I felt worse; it was obvious that was not the listener I acquired.
Next, I started typing the sms to my ex but halfway I hesitated n deleted the sms.
Still lying on my bed, without my fan or aircon on.
In my head, I was just thinking, whether if I should vanish from this world.
I stayed in that position for hours, not moving a single muscle.
Later in the evening, I hear the front door shut.
Obvious that my parents left for something, I stepped down my bed, not knowing what to do.
My head was blank.
Next I hear my cell ringing. I picked it up. It was my guy.
I burst into tears. 1st telling him what really happened & next bout him and the urgency.
It was hours after the last sms he sent me only he called.
I was near suicide and all he could say on his sms was “if I leave the house now, it would make matters worse”
I can never forget those words.
That was the worst time I cried since secondary school.
I was tossing things in my room, n screaming on the phone with tears rolling down non-stop.
But I guess it all shouldn’t matter, since what has happened HAS happened.
It just shows how much I am to him.
We had to hang up soon after since he said he needed to rush for work.
I was devastated. I din know what to do again.
I was more of in a daze this time than angry or upset.
I decided later, to cut off everything from anyone that day.
I did. I turned off my cell on purpose for the whole evening & night for the 1st time in my life.
I had my room door closed. My table cleared and my computer shifted in from the hall.
I still felt dreadful.
All my guys were the same; they were shitty when it comes to girlfriends.
They couldn’t give me the comfort and security I wanted.
They get tired easily & give up.
They tell u they will always be there for u but when shit happens, they are not there to even hear your words out.
They JUST have no sense of urgency.
Later in the evening, I was expected for a dinner with family & their assistant coaches.
They were people I had fun growing up with & were also people that I had long missed.
So, I enjoyed myself at the dinner, listening to these jokers make lame jokes & also tell stories or their lives.
I was worth opening up for that dinner.
But later when I reached home, I was quiet & alone again.
I stayed in my room & faced my computer, not going online to chat with anyone.
My cell was still off.
I dared not turn it on, scared that he’d call at the same time & also fearing that I would go all soft hearted on the smses and miss calls I get.
I din want to.
Many times I reached to take my cell but later the thought stopped me.
So, I left it off for the rest of the night.
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